WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm like, not good at living.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
