She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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