Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
