i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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