I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
