FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
