You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
