out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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