drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
