I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Enjoy the penises
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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