no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
being pregnant is like rehab
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Pants are for mortals
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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