I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
