So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
