I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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