If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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