So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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