On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
