Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
