I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
