it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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