I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
