Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
