Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
