i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
