Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
