Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
