Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
