mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
