I wannas sexs uuuuu
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
