I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Im part way to drunk.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
