Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
