Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
