I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
