Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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