Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I have surprise drugs for everyone
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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