There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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