Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
