i just sent this text using only my big toe
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
