no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
