Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
