Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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