that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
