My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think i got beer on your cat.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
