How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
