i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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