Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
