Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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