can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
