Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
