I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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