i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
