I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
