Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
