everyone is single if you try hard enough
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
